Imposter Syndrome Hits Home

I share my personal experience with imposter syndrome after launching this podcast and how it led me to temporarily delete the show despite positive reception. My anxiety flared when I saw people downloading the podcast worldwide, making me question and worry about being judged.


Check the episode description for links to resources about imposter syndrome that I've found helpful in my journey.

Imposter syndrome: Seven steps to overcome it | RCN Magazine | Royal College of Nursing

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Imposter Syndrome Introduction
• 1:11 Creating the Podcast Journey
• 2:20 Panic and Deletion Decision
• 3:40 Finding Support from Latoya
• 5:07 Moving Forward and Resources

Transcript

Ashleigh: 0:06

Hello and welcome to Generally Practising. I wanted to pop on and not really a proper episode, but just talk a little bit about imposter syndrome, which is obviously something that I'd heard talked about a lot. It was definitely something that, when I did my degree, we had to think about and write about, but it wasn't necessarily something that I had personally experienced before until fairly recently. Now, without going into too much detail, I've had some issues with anxiety in my personal life, which I've been navigating and managing and I'm doing great, but I hadn't really experienced imposter syndrome before and I've since found out that anxiety and imposter syndrome can kind of sometimes go hand in hand. So, as I explained in the introduction episode, I personally use podcasts as a way myself of accessing information and updates. I found them really useful and I obviously wished there was something, um one for general practice nurses specifically that was still active, and I couldn't find one. So I thought I wonder how hard it would be to do and I looked and I thought, okay, I think I might be able to do that. I'm not awful with tech and etc. So I did it and I didn't really promote this podcast at all. Really, actually, I only replied to one comment on one thread of just one of the practice nurse groups on Facebook, but I did put it up on some of the big podcasting platforms like Apple, spotify, those sorts of platforms. So I started getting downloads, which is good, obviously. That's the whole point. I want to help spread information to people.

Ashleigh: 2:23

But my husband, bless him, was keeping an eye on the statistics and he was saying that it was doing really good and there was some downloads. It was doing really good and there was, you know, some downloads all over the world and I started to think, oh my gosh, who am I to think that people are going to want to listen to me and what do I think I'm doing? Why would anybody want to listen to me waffling on and I'm going to do something wrong, I'm going to be judged, and it really, really bothered me. I thought I don't know if I can do this, which obviously was a shame, because it's obviously an area that people would use. The downloads in sort of you know, a few days spoke for themselves that actually it is something that would be used. But anyway, I had these panics and so I deleted the podcast, so some of you that had might have initially subscribed, might have had difficulty accessing it, and it was really because I had a bit of a panic. So I just parked it and thought I don't think I can do that now, um, and I certainly can't promote it.

Ashleigh: 3:35

So I went on a training day and I spoke to a fantastic colleague who'd actually said that she had thought of doing something similar. Um, now she's from a neighbouring practice and so we see each other at updates and training, we have our clinical supervision together, and she was somebody that I had. As soon as I thought, oh, I'll give it a go, I thought I'm going to have to ask if she would like to be involved, because she is brilliant, she's always doing something new, she's always so up to date with everything, and he's really somebody that I look up to as a colleague. So I saw her, she said she thought of it and I said well, actually I'm having a bit of imposter syndrome. I don't know if I will be able to carry on with this, which she thought was a real shame, and asked if I would like some help. So I said yes, I think that would make me feel a lot better. I think that would be really good, and I'd already thought that I would want to get her involved, even as just a guest. So the fact that she was willing to be involved, I think, is brilliant. And so Latoya is going to be joining as a host as well, and I think that's really, really fabulous and I am really excited for that.

Ashleigh: 5:02

Now, at the minute, just until I am feeling completely comfortable with everything, I think we are going to keep, uh this off the big podcasting platforms, um, so I am going to keep it off apple podcasts and spotify those sorts of places for now. So it will just be the website at the minute, and I am really sorry if that makes it a little bit less accessible, but it is only while I work through this which I will do I will. I've had a reflect. I found a really helpful resource from the RCN which I'll link in the description in case anyone else has or is experiencing imposter syndrome, and it might be helpful to you. So this it wasn't really a proper episode.

Ashleigh: 5:52

This. It was just a little explanation as to why it may be a little bit difficult to find the podcast. Now I appreciate the fact that I am only going to be putting this on the website. Maybe doesn't make it the most helpful thing, but I just wanted to explain and give people a little bit of information about imposter syndrome. As I say, I'll link the things that I've found that have been quite helpful. It probably is something that we've all heard of, if not experienced, but I also wanted to say that we are welcoming the brilliant Latoya and so hopefully we'll get another episode out in the next few weeks, but until then, happy practicing.